How to make watching porn better

You might have read this article in Stuff, asking if watching porn with your partner is weird.

Is it weird to watch porn with your partner? | Stuff.co.nz

Excerpt from the Stuff article

“When this [catching her partner watching porn] happened to a client of mine (let’s call her Amelia), she felt instantly insecure, doubting whether she was “enough” if he was choosing porn over her.

This insecurity is common. It can be challenging not to compare yourself to the often picture-perfect bodies of pornstars, and question whether your actions in the bedroom are “up to scratch” when put up against the people who (for better or worse) set many of the standards around what “good sex” is deemed to look like.

For a lot of women, this comparison and insecurity can lead to a desire to limit their partners’ access to porn. Alternatively, they may put their head in the sand and try hard not to think about how their partner is likely included in the statistics that show that an overwhelming number of people utilise erotic content.

However, for Amelia, this incident sparked her curiosity. While she felt uncomfortable in the moment, she wanted to be able to watch porn alongside her boyfriend so that they could bond over a shared, novel experience and perhaps add some extra pizzazz into their sex life.”

The article goes on to say how porn isn’t just for men – and that large numbers of women report watching it. And how it doesn’t have to become addictive or a negative habit.

The writer encourages people to use ethical porn sites and take some time to explore what type of porn might suit them – and talk to their partner about it.

In our experience, watching porn as a couple can be exciting and rewarding. But there are pros and cons and like many things in life – moderation is strongly recommended.

The pros to porn

You discover aspects of your partner (and yourself) you may never have known otherwise. Now that may be a good or a bad thing, depending on the discovery but go into it with an open mind and don’t be too quick to judge. That will shut down the experience (and possibly your relationship) quicker than anything.

You could treat it as a learning experience – seeing positions and techniques you didn’t know.

It might help you realise that that “weird” fantasy you have, isn’t so weird after all.

It could enhance sexual communication and exploration with your partner.

The cons to porn

While porn can appear to be all fun, you should know and understand the downsides. Both men and women can become objectified, which can lead to a skewed perception of reality and unrealistic expectations in sexual relationships.

It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. People may feel they’re not good enough, they’re not big enough, and they cannot do what the actors in pornographic material do.

There’s a risk of getting programmed to rely on external stimulation for arousal. To get aroused, one might feel the need to watch porn, which is often a fabricated scene acted out by actors.

Don’t watch too much porn – engage more with your own body, learn its unique rhythms, and find its innate pleasure.

Healthy porn watching

We recommend a course on healthy porn watching to make sure you don’t get trapped or sucked in to the downsides of porn.

Joseph Kramer’s Healthy Porn Watching video course (Beducated) arms you with strategies to encourage a more balanced engagement with adult content.

The foundation of the healthy porn watching course is to “stand up and move” while you watch.

“Standing and moving as you play is called a leverage practice because this small shift from almost motionless sex to standing and moving produces astonishing sexual benefits both in our solo sex and in our sex with partners. One couple’s sex improved so much after the man started Healthy Porn Watching practices that his wife said to him:

“I’m okay with you watching porn, but only if you stand and move.”

Take the Healthy Porn Watching course – Beducated

Disclaimer

You will see all types of porn on this website and we acknowledge that not all of it is “healthy”. So learn to treat porn like any other consumer/entertainment product – with caution and moderation. Know and respect its dangers. And remember, porn is not real.