Should I get an AI partner?

The New Third Wheel: Why AI Lovers Are Changing the Way We Think About Sex

Every generation has its moral panic about sex.

In the 1970s it was pornography. The 1990s worried about internet chat rooms. The 2000s brought dating apps, webcams and smartphones into the bedroom. Today, the conversation has shifted once again, and this time the third person in the relationship isn’t another human. It’s artificial intelligence.

AI girlfriends, AI boyfriends and emotionally intelligent chatbots have exploded into the mainstream over the past year. Millions of people now spend hours every week chatting with virtual companions who flirt, remember details, provide emotional support and, increasingly, engage in romantic or erotic conversations.

Some people see this as the beginning of the end of real relationships.

I don’t.

But I do think we’re witnessing one of the biggest changes to human intimacy since online dating.

Having worked in the adult entertainment industry for decades, I’ve learned that new technology almost never replaces human sexuality. It simply changes how we experience it.

Every technological leap changes desire

I’ve watched the adult industry evolve from DVDs to streaming, from studio productions to creator platforms, from anonymous viewers to highly interactive fan communities.

Each innovation sparked predictions that “real intimacy” would disappear.

It never did.

People still wanted connection.

They still wanted chemistry.

They still wanted someone who genuinely desired them.

Technology changed access, not human nature.

AI feels different because it doesn’t simply deliver content.

It responds.

It listens.

It remembers.

That makes it emotionally persuasive in ways traditional media never could be.

Why are people turning to AI companions?

The obvious answer is loneliness.

But I think that’s only half the story.

Many people aren’t replacing relationships. They’re replacing judgement.

An AI companion doesn’t criticise your appearance.

It doesn’t mock your fantasies.

It doesn’t reject you after a vulnerable conversation.

For someone struggling with anxiety, social isolation or low confidence, that’s incredibly appealing.

I’ve coached performers for years, and one lesson comes up repeatedly.

People rarely fear sex itself.

They fear rejection.

Fear of looking inexperienced.

Fear of disappointing someone.

Fear of saying the wrong thing.

Remove those fears, and people often become far more open, playful and emotionally expressive.

AI creates an environment where rejection simply doesn’t exist.

That’s a powerful psychological experience.

Fantasy has always had value

One mistake I see commentators making is assuming fantasy is somehow the opposite of healthy sexuality.

It isn’t.

Fantasy has always been part of sexual wellbeing.

Films create fantasy.

Romance novels create fantasy.

Erotic photography creates fantasy.

Roleplay creates fantasy.

Even our own imagination creates fantasy.

The difference now is that fantasy talks back.

That’s new.

And like every new technology, it’s neither entirely good nor entirely bad.

Its value depends on how we use it.

What worries me

Where I do become cautious is when AI begins replacing opportunities to develop real relationship skills.

Communication isn’t always comfortable.

Negotiating boundaries isn’t always easy.

Learning to deal with rejection, compromise and emotional vulnerability is part of becoming a confident partner.

An AI companion can offer unconditional affirmation.

Real people cannot.

Nor should they.

Healthy relationships involve two independent individuals with different needs, different opinions and occasionally conflicting desires.

That’s where growth happens.

If someone begins expecting real partners to behave like perfectly programmed companions, disappointment is inevitable.

The adult industry is already adapting

Inside the adult industry, AI isn’t viewed purely as competition.

Many performers are embracing it.

Some use AI to manage fan communication.

Others create interactive experiences that complement their existing content.

I’ve also spoken with performers who see AI as another creative tool, allowing fans to engage with fictional versions of their public persona while preserving healthier personal boundaries.

That’s an interesting development.

For years, performers have struggled with unrealistic expectations from audiences who blur the line between fantasy and reality.

AI may actually create clearer distinctions by making it obvious when interactions are fictional.

What people still crave

Despite all the technological innovation I’ve witnessed over the years, one thing hasn’t changed.

Chemistry.

You can recognise authentic attraction almost immediately.

The glance that wasn’t scripted.

The laugh that wasn’t expected.

The conversation that wanders somewhere neither person planned.

Those moments can’t be generated by algorithms because they’re born from uncertainty.

They’re beautifully unpredictable.

Real intimacy has always involved risk.

Risk of embarrassment.

Risk of rejection.

Risk of falling in love.

Ironically, those risks are exactly what make connection meaningful.

Looking ahead

I don’t believe AI companions are replacing human relationships.

I think they’re exposing something about modern life.

People are hungry to be heard.

To be understood.

To feel interesting.

To feel chosen.

If an algorithm can satisfy those emotional needs, even temporarily, perhaps the bigger question isn’t what AI is doing.

It’s what we’ve stopped giving one another.

Technology will continue evolving.

AI will become more sophisticated.

Virtual partners will become more convincing.

None of that worries me as much as the possibility that we forget what makes human intimacy extraordinary.

It’s imperfect.

It’s surprising.

It’s messy.

It’s wonderfully unpredictable.

After decades producing films, mentoring performers and talking openly about sex across cultures, I’ve become convinced that desire isn’t driven by perfection.

It’s driven by authenticity.

No matter how intelligent artificial companions become, they still can’t recreate the magic of two real people discovering each other in the same room.

And that’s one trend I don’t see changing anytime soon.