How to have more sex and maybe even invite a third

A sex therapist at Beducated contributed to this article.

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We want more sex

It’s always encouraging when couples come into my office and say, “We want to have more sex.” That eagerness, that shared desire is already half the battle. The truth is, wanting more intimacy is a good sign. It means you’re still drawn to each other, still curious, still game to explore. So how do you go from good intentions to actual action? And if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, what happens when one of you says, “What if we invited someone else to join us?”

Let’s start with the basics: reconnect as a couple

Life gets busy—work, kids, endless scrolling, laundry that seems to breed overnight. That’s why scheduling intimacy isn’t as unromantic as it sounds. Think of it like setting a date night, except the main course is each other. A little anticipation can do wonders.

Try something new – explore

Now, when it comes to reigniting passion, novelty is your friend. Try something new. Different strokes, playful positions, even new language in the bedroom. It doesn’t have to be acrobatic. Sometimes it’s just about slowing down, using your hands or mouth in ways you haven’t before. If you’re not sure where to start, sex ed platforms like Beducated have some great lessons (and no, they’re not just for beginners).

A course we recommend is: Sex supercharged — Spice up your bedroom routine

You’ll have heard it before — communicate!

Please, talk to each other. Really talk. About what you like, what you’re curious about, what you’ve seen in porn that made you raise an eyebrow in interest. Communication isn’t just about permission, it’s about connection. And when you both feel heard, your bodies tend to follow.

That said, don’t fixate on frequency alone. A single amazing, connected session can sometimes satisfy you more than three rushed ones. Quality beats quantity, every time.

Hungry for sex?

Some couples like to boost the vibe with a few edible enhancers—think chocolate, figs, or tropical fruits. Are aphrodisiacs real? Kind of. They work if you believe they do, and that placebo power can be enough. Just know your body and skip anything that makes you feel off.

Invite someone else to join you for sex

Now, about that spicy little fantasy you’ve been circling — the idea of inviting a third person into the bedroom. Maybe you’ve always been curious. Maybe you’re turned on by the idea of watching your partner be pleasured by someone else. Or maybe it’s just something new you want to try together. Whatever the reason, it’s not unusual and it’s not something to dive into blindly either.

First things first: talk it through. Why do you want this? Is it about variety? Voyeurism? Power play? There’s no wrong reason, but understanding your motivation helps you set boundaries that keep everyone safe and happy. Be specific about limits. What’s allowed, what’s off-limits, and what kind of person you’re comfortable with?

Who to choose and how?

When it comes to finding your third, many couples feel safest starting with a stranger. There’s emotional distance, less potential for drama, and more control. Apps like Feeld and 3Fun cater specifically to open-minded adults. Some hire a professional because sex workers often bring experience, discretion, and respect for boundaries.

Others dip their toes into the swinger scene. Just make sure you meet the person first, in a neutral setting, and that everyone agrees on the ground rules.

On the night itself

Keep things low pressure. Start with some one-on-one time to ground yourselves as a couple. Use plenty of protection, stay sober, and stay communicative throughout. A little awkwardness is normal. Laugh about it. What matters most is how you feel after. Cuddle, talk, reassure. That’s where the real intimacy happens.

Do you like to watch?

If your fantasy leans more toward voyeurism, watching your partner get taken by someone else — that adds a different layer. It’s thrilling, sure, but it also requires honesty. Can you handle it emotionally? What happens if you feel unexpectedly jealous? Role-play is a great first step. Pretend a third is there before one actually is. Dirty talk your way through the scene, or try blindfolds and imagination to test the waters.

Sex is a team sport unless you’re masturbating alone!

Whatever path you take, the most important thing is that you remain a team. Sex is supposed to be fun, not performative. If something doesn’t feel right, pause. Adjust. Or shelve the idea and come back to it later.

Remember, the goal isn’t to become porn stars. The goal is to feel close, sexy, and alive — with each other, and maybe with someone else too.

So, here’s your homework: What’s one new thing you’d like to try with your partner this month? And if you could design the perfect threesome scenario with no limits, what would it look like? 😉

Ecstatic sex

Another video course on offer from Beducated is Ecstatic sex: 7 ways to create intimate, orgasmic experiences.